That made me think that getting old wouldn’t be so bad, if you had someone like that beside you.

There was this touching story about a couple that was married for 72 years and died holding hands an hour apart. That’s just what fairy tales are made of. Too bad this kind of love doesn’t happen often in real life.

“No matter what the question, Love is the answer” – Anonymous

Deerhurst Resort was founded in 1896 in Muskoka, one of the most beautiful places in Ontario. It’s about two hours away from Toronto and minutes from the Algonquin National Park.

Muskoka landscapes inspired the Group of Seven (artists), which paintings of Canadian landscapes you can see everywhere at Deerhurst.

Mom standing in front of Painting done by Group of Seven at Deerhurst, Muskoka, 2011

The resort is also famous for launching Shania Twain’s career in late 1980s and for hosting G8 Summit in 2010. They mention G8 every chance they get. Photos from the Summit are hanging in the halls and there is even a G8 desert on the menu at the restaurant. I tried it. It’s OK.

G8 dinner desert on the menu at Deerhurst, referring to G8 Summit in 2010 that was held there.

We were wondering how they maintain their 780 acres of lakeside property. The place looks huge, but well groomed.

Mom is admiring flowers in the garden at the Deerhurst resort.

Sunset at Deerhurst, Muskoka

Deerhurst offers a lot of activities. In the summer, you can rent boats or jet skis, go on a boat tour, play golf, tennis, swim in pools or in the lake etc.

Boating at Deerhurst, Muskoka.

Boats on the Lake, Deerhurst, Muskoka.

However, I found this place a bit too quite and a bit boring for me. I think  Deerhurst is ideal for kids and family types… or maybe if it was my first trip to Muskoka, it would’ve been different, but It wasn’t my first trip. I’ve been there before. So I ended up spending most of my time reading by the pool.

Pool at the Deerhurst Resort was my favourite place to hang out.

While there, we went for a horseback riding. Horses that we were riding, were only allowed to walk, and not run. For me that was not as exciting, as I’ve hoped for.  We were told that those horses never ran in their life. I thought that was kinda cruel for the animals that were built for speed to never experienced it.

Horseback riding at Deerhurst, Muskoka, Aug 2011.

We’ve also made a boat trip to Huntsville one day. It’s a very cute, but small town popular with boaters in the summer.

Me on Huntsville bridge, August 2011

Downtown Huntsville is just one very short street

We visited a couple craft stores there and had a lunch on the patio of “The Cottage”, a restaurant on the waterfront, which was recommended to us by locals and was pretty good.

Visiting Craft Store in Huntsville, August 2011.

"The Cottage" Restaurant, Huntsville, Ontario.

Overall, my vacation was quite nice and relaxing, which is exactly what I was aiming for.
So if you’ve never been to Muskoka, I highly recommend it. The nature is truly beautiful there and the little towns and resorts around the area have a lot to offer, both in the summer and in the winter.

We stayed at Grotto Bay Resort, a well-groomed and quiet place located about 10 mins away from the airport.

There are a few brightly-colored cottages scattered over a large manicured area with palm trees and gardens, as well as two crystal caves located right on the property.

Mom walking in Grotto Bay Resort, Bermuda, Feb 2011

Victor & mom at the bus stop, Bermuda, Feb 2011

One cave was pretty much in front of our cottage. At first, I was afraid to go down there because I thought there would be a lot of things crawling in a dark.

What’s interesting about these caves is that nothing lives there – not living organisms or plants because there is no light coming from outside and because of the contents of the water. If I remember it correctly, water is either too salty or has too much of other chemicals.

Crystal Cave, Grotto Bay, Bermuda

Crystal stalactites create some weird chandelier formations inside the cave.  The water inside is a bit cooler than in the ocean outside and looks very clean.

Crystal Stalactites in Crystal Cave, Bermuda

Before this trip, I always though turquoise water was just a marketing trick on travel brochures. Well, I’ve seen beautiful turquoise water in Bermuda. It’s real and it’s so beautiful that you don’t get tired of looking at it.

There were some pretty amazing trees and a lot of flowers on the island. Mom looked happy climbing trees on her 70th Birthday.

Mom climbing trees, Bermuda, Feb 2011

Tropical plant, Bermuda

Palm Tree, Bermuda

This was probably my best shot from this trip – bright pink hibiscus.

Pink Hibiscus, Bermuda

February is a low season in Bermuda, so it was a bit cool there, especially in the evenings.
We got stuck at the hotel for 2 days at some point because of the stormy weather. In addition, bus workers went on strike.

Me & my mom in Hamilton in the evening, Bermuda

Victor in Hamilton, Bermuda

Bermuda has no rivers or lakes, and no island-wide plumbed water supply.
Each household is responsible for collecting and storing fresh water, and when they run out of water they have to buy it.

Water collection system in houses, Bermuda Museum

Here are some other interesting facts about Bermuda that I’ve learned on this trip.

• 

  Bermuda Rooster walking on the Resort

  There are absolutely no snakes on the island

• However, you can see a lot of chickens walking freely everywhere, including on the resort
• Bermuda is very safe and clean – from streets to washrooms, the place is spotless
• Salaries and standard of living is high in Bermuda, but so is the cost of living. We didn’t purchase all inclusive trip, so we had to buy groceries or eat out every day. It was almost twice more expensive to buy food in Bermuda, compared to Toronto
• Bermuda was a British colony, so you can still feel British influence in everything from architecture to accent
• There are no colleges or Universities in Bermuda. All kids after high school go to US, Canada or UK to get a professional degree
• A lot of businesses in Bermuda are actually owned by Canadians. We took mom to “Barracuda” for her birthday. The owner was Canadian and, apparently, just went back to Canada when we were visiting his restaurant
• When I asked people in Bermuda where they go for vacation many said they go skiing in Canada. That was funny to hear
• It’s a slow pace place
• People are quite friendly and helpful
• We noticed that people talked to each other on the bus all the time, as if they knew everyone on the island
• Public transportation is excellent. It’s recommended to buy a daily pass, as you can go anywhere in Bermuda on a bus
• You’ll see a lot of public announcements on the bus. I thought it was kinda clever how they promoted anti-drugs and anti-alcohol facts.
• You can’t rent a car there, only hire a taxi, which can be expensive if you do it every day
• There are no real walking paths along the roads, which I didn’t like. You have to drive everywhere if you want to visit any place.
• Everybody in Bermuda deny existence of a Bermuda Triangle

St. George, UNESCO Heritage Site, Bermuda

Public announcements on bus, Bermuda

Not sure why they had Moose in front of the Bermuda Museum. We felt back in Canada again.

Bermuda Glass Works at Craft Market

All I can say is that Bermuda is beautiful and has a lot to offer. I’d love to go back there one day.

This view was partially shaped by the books I read in high school (“Crime and Punishment” etc.), teaching methods in school at that time (We were encouraged to strive for perfection) and because of my overall sheltered childhood.

Crime rates were low in Russia at that time, or if they weren’t, we were not aware of that, because we never saw crime reports on TV. News programs covered only happy news and official messages were always positive and uplifting in nature.

"Day after day, life becomes even happier! - Soviet era poster

When I was younger, I struggled with the fact that not everything and everyone is perfect. I didn’t know what to do about that and very often would break good (but not perfect) relationships and stop talking to some people for extended periods of time.

I didn’t know that by aiming for perfection, I was setting myself up for a disappointment.

Now much older, I know that it’s unrealistic to expect perfection from yourself or others, and that perfection doesn’t lead to happiness.

However, one thing I didn’t understand is why my parents didn’t try to prepare me better for the real world. I lived in such a bubble, that I was unaware of  anything bad. I never had a conversation with my mom about boys, drinking, jealousy or bullying at school, or any other important issues that all teenagers experience, as if they didn’t apply to me.

My mom says that she didn’t know any better. That’s how she was brought up. There was no good literature on this topic at a time and people generally didn’t discussed problems, especially with their kids.

That’s definitely not the best way to bring up kids. It’s a sure way to raise defeated perfectionists, naive, too trusting and totally unprepared for the real life individuals, who will end up disappointed in life. I was probably heading in that direction before.

Food somehow brings us together and makes us happy. I don’t remember even one photo with food, where people looked sad. So here is my collection of some food photos that I took over the years. They definitely bring happy memories to me.

Trying cakes in Cardiff, Wales.

"Welcome to Canada" cake for my niece Christina. That was a happy moment for everyone in my family. Unfortunately, she later changed her mind and went back to Russia.

A friend of ours cooked this steak on our ski trip to Big White, 2008. It was great!

Xmas dinner 2010. Always a happy occasion.

Christopher's pizza - handmade & delicious!

Family picnic, 2010

My niece's wedding at a small Russian restaurant was an intimate and happy occasion with loads of food. Those are the tears of joy actually.

Geoff's Ribs, his special recipe.

Me and James at the Thai Restaurant in Costa Rica. You could get to it only in 4x4, as it was high up in the mountains.

Celebrating mom's Birthday in Bermuda.

Elena's Birthday party.

Camping in Algonquin Park. That's the time when I learned than bacon goes with maple syrup and coffee with Baileys.

At friend's cottage in Picton. Christopher cooking and I just admire his work.

This was some crazy New Year's party. Not sure how much food was there, but there was definitely no shortage of drinks.

Leftovers from my Birthday party, Nov 2010. I had enough food and drinks for the next few weeks. Good times!

Note about Bermuda Triangle in Bermuda Museum

When we got back from our trip, my brother found an interesting documentary on Bermuda Triangle from the Discover Channel called Bermuda Triangle Exposed. In the movie they tried to explain some of the most famous disappearances and explain the mysteries of the triangle.

Mystery 1 – Why plans and ships disappeared without sending an alarm signal?

According to some experts, one thing that can explain so many sudden accidents in this area is the area itself. It’s quite unique.  Bermuda itself sits on the ancient sea volcano.

Bermuda Triangle is known for extreme weather conditions and steepest underwater cliffs.  The southern part of the triangle near Puerto Rico is the deepest part of the Atlantic ocean – about 5 miles deep. Nobody will ever find planes or ships that vanished in this area.

This unique ocean landscape coupled with extreme weather conditions contribute to creation of rogue (or killer waves). Storms in the Northern Atlantic generate large waves that move south and split around the Bermuda island. Killer waves happen when two kinds of waves collide on the other side of the island and cause a huge wave to be created that is 10 times bigger than a regular wave.

Bermuda Waves from "Bermuda Triangle Exposed"

It’s possible that when ships came in contact with those killer waves they got destroyed so fast, that the crew simply didn’t have the time to react and send a signal to the shore.

Mystery 2 – Why shipwrecks are usually found 100 of miles away from where they were reported lost?

The answer seems to be a Gulf Stream. This powerful Atlantic ocean current is responsible to picking up many shipwrecks from the crash sites and drugging them along the current’s path for miles until letting them go. That’s why there is usually no ship or people found when rescue crews were searching for them at the last known co-ordinates. In 2 days Gulf Stream can move a ship by 160 kilometers.

Gulf Stream in Atlantic Ocean from "Bermuda Triangle Exposed"

There are about 250 places marked on a map with last-known locations of various ships that vanished in this area. Almost a third of them fall in the path of the Gulf Stream. This means they were all moved by hundreds of miles off their last known co-ordinates. It will be difficult or virtually impossible to find them.

Map of Lost Ships in Bermuda Triangle from "Bermuda Triangle Exposed"

Flight19 disappeared over Atlantic, Bermuda Museum

Mystery 3 – How can sudden plane disappearances be explained?

If killer waives can be blamed for so many shipwrecks, they can’t really explain how 150 planes vanished the same way, without sending an alarm signal. Most of them disappeared in clear weather operated by experienced captains without a trace.

There is an interesting story of lost Flight 19. It was a routine training flight of five navy torpedo bombers that disappeared on December 5, 1945, while over the Atlantic. Each had a crew of three. The flight never returned to base. The rescue plane with 13 people crew also disappeared without a trace.

The disappearance was attributed by Navy investigators to navigational error leading to the aircraft running out of fuel. It looks like the plans were flying back and forth completely disoriented, as if they got off course and couldn’t understand where they are.

There were some reports from pilots flying over Bermuda Triangle experiencing problems with compass variations and aircraft’s navigational systems. One pilot described flying through a tunnel during storm and then suddenly getting off a tunnel hundreds miles away. So it looked like he was flying faster than he plane could.

Some talk about time warp, magnetic poles and human error as possible explanations. But nobody really knows and most of the explanations are still just theories.  Anyway, I really liked this documentary. It gave me a lot more answers than my visit to Bermuda.

Here is part two of “Bermuda Triangle Exposed” video posted on YouTube.

God, I wish I was a cat or a dog, or some other creature that doesn’t have to look in the mirror every day and talk itself into loving self”.

We, humans, complicate things too much. We need others to tell us how great we are, we seek some kind of proof justifying our existence, we need emotional guidance, otherwise we psychoanalyse ourselves to death. Little things can set us off and we are quick to reach for booze or drugs, and observe some other self-destructive behaviour. It’s absurd. We should be the smartest of the bunch.

I am sure my cat doesn’t start his morning by giving himself a pep talk on how great he is before he starts his day. He has no problem with his self-image and he doesn’t agonize over a few extra pounds he gained over Christmas. He doesn’t think he needs to look deep within itself to “awaken his sense of identity, and to enable joy and wonder of his life”. It would be funny, actually, if he did…

So back to my main thought “I wish I was a cat”….

I also spoke to someone today, who is in her late forties and who married at 24 because she was afraid to be alone. She thought she didn’t have many options and that she would have less and less options, as she’d get older. So she rushed and “grabbed her husband, as if he was the last thing on sale”- she said. She never really loved her husband and she eventually divorced him.

I’ve heard many similar stories. I myself have made similar mistakes in the past, settling for someone who wasn’t ideal for me.

So why do we settle?
Why do we ignore that voice inside of us that tells us that the person we are planning to spend the rest of our life with is not good for us? It’s as if we are saying ok to half-happiness, instead of complete happiness. If we all refused to settle, there probably would’ve been a lot more happy couples in this world, as all of us would’ve have a chance of finding our perfect match. So don’t settle for my man.

Photo credit: Karim Andreotti on Flickr

I think marriage is one of those utopian concepts, like Communism, that look good in theory, but don’t work in practice. Statistics definitely support that with the divorce rate, at least in Canada, being steadily around 40%, which means 4 in 10 Canadian marriages now end in divorce. (Statistics Canada). Worldwide statistics are even worse – 50% of all marriages end in divorce and the average marriage only lasts 5 years.

“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.”
- Oscar Wilde

Here is a question – How can you possibly promise to someone that for the rest of your life you’ll feel the same about them? We all change. What we like today, we hate tomorrow. I don’t like chocolate chip cookies as much now, as I liked them when I first tried them. So why expect that I’ll love the same person 10 years later? That’s just an unrealistic expectation.

Finding someone to love, who will also love you back is hard. But to expect that the two of you will have the same feelings forever, what are the chances of that?

Even Madonna said in one of her interviews that the search for Mr. Right is daunting.

“Unfortunately we are raised on those fairytales and even if we are sophisticated, educated, intellectually evolved human beings we still, in the back of our mind, think that Mr. Right is going to come along and we are going to live happily ever after. In the front of our minds we keep getting reminded it’s not true and in the back of our minds we keep thinking it’s true, so we keep getting disappointed. It’s a paradox – you want it, but if you have half a brain you know it doesn’t really exist.”

They say marriage is a hard work. Why should it be a hard work? Because it’s unnatural? When it’s falling apart, we simply force it to work.

Another thing about marriage that always bothered me is that as soon as we start talking marriage, we start focusing on the wrong things. Weddings are all about dresses and cakes and what others will think about us.

If you are happy in a relationship, there is no need to involve others or prove anything to them. If you are not happy, a party and a piece of paper won’t make things better. So in any case, there doesn’t seem to be a good reason to get married. Certainly not, if you want your life to be a fairy tale.

“Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution? ”
- Groucho Marx

Image credit: Loozrboy on Flickr

So why do we keep ourselves busy at all times?

I seem to be incapable of slowing down and doing nothing. I have too much guilt when I do that.
I have a few books now sitting on my shelf that I started reading and then abandoned them, as they were not work related. Somehow reading for pleasure feels wrong. I pack my day with things that I think are worth spending my time on. I always bring my laptop on all my trips. If I am not producing, learning, advancing etc., I feel like I am wasting my time.

On the Ski Trip to Big White, Kelowna, 2009.

I hear the same complains from others too.

One of my friends told me once that she feels bad when she has nothing to report at work after the weekend. Everyone always has some good stories to tell, concerts they’ve seen, trips they’ve taken, so she feels the pressure to do something as well.

I also find it interesting that when you ask people how they are doing, they sometimes say “I keep myself busy”. What does that really mean? Do we somehow believe that keeping ourselves busy is connected to happiness, success and well-being? That definitely seems to be the perception in North America.

But what about reflection and staying still? Would you experience the time differently, if you slowed down and lived your life more consciously? And more importantly, would you be happier?